ICE – in Germany

ICE – in Germany

It has been a while since I have written here, and most of you likely do not know that I have a blog. 

[Brief background: This blog was created after I left my Franciscan discernment to determine if I would be a religious friar, having gone through five months of the postulate year (first year of formation) in Silver Spring, Maryland from August 2016 - January 2017. 

The day I decided to leave was the day Trump was inaugurated President for the first time, January 18, 2017, one day before my 35th birthday.

This blog is intended to document musings on my spiritual life and journey, in addition to  thoughts on music, society, and politics. And I must comment a little on this. I did intend to live a more contemplative life after leaving discernment as a Franciscan; however, the pandemic with its stresses and ways of relief that I embraced, distracted me from my sincere intention of living a more contemplative and spiritual life. I am reclaiming that intention now.]

However, this is not the point of this post. The point of this post is to share a musing I was compelled to write down in a frenzy, after having seen the U.S. Embassy in Berlin, Germany in the summer of 2005 (during which I was attending the Freie Universität International Summer University Composition Course led by Samuel Adler)  - 20 years ago to this date(!) - on a lonely street, blocked off by authorities, with ominous shadows cast by surrounding buildings. Why was it blocked off by authorities you might ask? Because the U.S. started to become hated by more of the world due to the Iraqi invasion. The thoughts, premonitions, and fantastical musings came sprouting out of me at the site of the lonely Embassy.

I must also preface my writing from 2005 by saying the following with hindsight in 2025: I felt instinctively that 9.11 and our response to it by invading Iraq would be the beginning of our downfall. Later, years after writing this, I thought I might have overreacted and saw our demise too soon after 9.11, after the invasion of Iraq, or that the demise might never happen. Also in the writing below, I overestimated the rate at which the E.U. might turn on the U.S. and/or their readiness to go on without the U.S. in world affairs, but it does seem that it might be happening now (France has now recognized Palestine as a state in 2025 and the E.U. has acted more independently from the U.S. with regard to its dealings with Ukraine, Russian, etc.). It seemed for moment, that a few years after 2005 the world somewhat forgave the U.S. for invading Iraq, especially after the election of a half-black President. But now we have really messed up, on our own, with the election of Trump, a second time. 

I did not see in the writing below that the divide the U.S. would face would be from within, without outside opposition (however if you asked me then if it could be a possibility, I would say yes). I could not see the divide that would embroil the U.S. once a half-black man was elected President in 2008, which fueled the racist undercurrents that have now flowered into a complete take over of the U.S. federal government in 2025. I could not have envisioned the manipulation of Trump that emboldened U.S. Neo-Nazis, U.S. Fascists, and U.S. white supremacists to come out in the open and wreak terror in the United States - backed and employed by the federal government! (I'm talking about ICE here.) I could not see that some U.S. P.O.C. would be manipulated enough to side with Trump and his racist fascists in this country, all for the false promise of more "jobs" and a "better economy" - I am talking to you Malinches, Uncle Toms, etc. (And since when is evil the only road to prosperity and security? Or maybe that is what a segment of human society only sees as the way to prosperity and security - through violence and evil.) I was naive to think that could not happen. I did think we were about to move beyond racism. But we were fooled. We were fooled in the '90s and early '00s by the veneer of social unity and racial progress (to some extent) without realizing that the undercurrent of the evil of white supremacy was still festering. Then these currents boiled over after the election of a half-black man as president in 2008 as expressed through the formation of the "Tea Party" that then found itself fully realized in MAGA, in 2016 with Trump as its "dear leader".

So now that my thoughts from today on July 28, 2025 in New York, New York are said with regard to my thoughts from July 28, 2005 in Berlin, Germany, I now present my musing from 20 years ago:

 

Berlin, Germany

July 28, 2005

Coke with ice – in Deutschland…

An American custom? 

The music all around is

of that land [the U.S.]

that culture

that mentality

They [the Germans] like it so

it seems

since it is in every bar, club, and restaurant

Today I saw a man dancing his head to Elvis

in a “’60s” [American] restaurant in Germany

They seem to like the music

But do they like the country? 

What is America (U.S.)?

What place does it have in this world?

Now, today, July 2005, post-9.11, post-Iraqi invasion?

The [U.S.] Embassy looked removed

The flag looked so lonely, like that of a once prominent, powerful entity that has now fallen out of RESPECT

It looked lonely

waving in the sunlight surrounded by shadows of the surrounding buildings

The street was lonely,

no one seemed to care it was there

let alone, to walk down the street

but – 

you couldn’t

there were guards, police, and blocking moveable “fences”

No matter if you wanted to go there, it was not inviting

What is its place in the world? Now. Post 9.11, post-Iraqi invasion,

POST-AMERICAN EMPIRE?

Post-american empire? [lower case intentional]

The posters of rock stars

from the U.S.A.

look like clowns

American advertising may have the qualities a clown may like

The décor of the restaurant reminded me of a circus

A circus with performers 

Of a façade

Almost embarrassing 

What is our government doing?

Acting like clowns

Looking like clowns

maybe even 

TALKING like clowns

Once a respected nation taken seriously by the world.

now

It may be taken as a clown

If our radical religious-driven government continues in a clownish manner

The world will not listen

If the stupidity of not cooperating with threating nations continues and then invading those countries occurs

The world may react

[They like American music, American drinks, American pop stars, etc.]

Iran, North Korea, the E.U.

What will happen?

Would if the U.S. invades Iran, North Korea…

Who will react?

Europe won’t be behind the U.S., but they will be fearful

We have the bomb, and we have used it.

They fear that.

“King Joseph”, a German opera about the treatment of the Native Americans by the Americans [U.S. Americans] displays that fear – the [U.S.] Americans bombed the Native Americans.

Europe is becoming united; it seems to resemble a loose confederacy! Foreign affairs, immigration, currency, a cabinet, [etc.], all regulated by the European Union!

They may be united 

United against America

Out of favor

Definitely if the U.S. invades more countries with the “War On Terror”

“War On Terror” – RIGHT!

Simple scenario: 

America invades more countries, North Korea, Iran, or another “terrorist” state 

The world will react or the E.U. will react 

Something may cause them to be involved

- militarily – 

 

We’re in North Korea

We’re in Iran

We’re in Israel

The E.U., Iran, Palestine

Hell – All of the Muslim world, North Korea maybe allied with China?

All against the U.S.

Who will the U.S. have?

What will Britain do?

There will almost be no chance.

America is defeated.

 

What becomes of the country?

What will they do?

What will those in American do?

Will there be a revolt against what happened?

Will NYC become its own country? 

The South?

Texas?

The Midwest?

[The] West Coast?

What will happen?

 

America will be divided further

Maybe even different Americas

[America] may be punished by the World

Oppressed, disrespected, looked down upon

Regulated by other nations?

 

The morale, arrogance, and pride of the patriotic one – ruined

Confidence and self-righteousness in the world – shattered

American will fall back on itself, hurt, bruised, befuddled

They will try to understand their place in the world

Their place in their country

Trying to find their identity

Having no influence on the world any longer

It will try to recover

In the meantime

All that will remain of America in the world will be the music, food, and cultural influences 

The material items then will be assimilated and regionalized according to parts of the world

Soon they’ll forget it was American because it will be theirs

While the quiet, struggling, bruised America attempts to recover

If there is an America…

Gilbert Galindo, July 28, 2005

 

EMPTY THE “CAGES”

EMPTY THE “CAGES”

There is no reason to vote Trump or support Trump immigration policies

“This is what the Lord says: Do what is just and right. Rescue from the hand of the oppressor the one who has been robbed. Do no wrong or violence to the foreigner, the fatherless or the widow, and do not shed innocent blood in this place.” Jeremiah 22:3

My statement and position for those who are unclear about what happened under Trump. Use the references below for more reading.

Shirt by Free Minds
@FONZOHIPPIEHOP
#NOMOREKIDSINCAGES

There were more than 3,800 families separated as a result of Trump’s zero-tolerance detention policy. Most of these families have been reunited, but 545 parents are still separated from their families. 

Under the Obama administration, groups of migrants were separated with chain-link fences: teenage males traveling alone, women with small children, families, and others. The Trump administration implemented a new policy to systematically separate all families including asylum seekers and those who lawfully sought refuge in the United States. The Trump administration proceeded to place separated families and children in locked warehouses with the chain-link partitions resembling cages, or in tent cities, or in converted big box stores all across the country. This cruel and inhumane practice was implemented inconsistently, as some children under 5 were not separated in some locations, but in other locations all children, even babies, were torn from their parents by U.S. agents. Obama never did that, Trump did.

Even though this policy was officially disbanded in 2018, the practice of separating families continues under the radar and in different guises. By February 2020 1,142+ children were separated from parents since the policy officially “ended”. The facilities still remain in use and the practice of separating families has occurred after the policy was disbanded meaning that there are still migrants and children in these cage-like facilities. The “cages” remain under Trump.

Trump’s message is that migrant families do not have the same basic human rights to stay together as we do, that somehow, they are less than human. We know that even Border Patrol agents use derogatory words in reference to migrants, calling them animals. That is disgusting in and of itself.

So, what must happen? End these detention practices once and for all! There are more humane and cheaper options to handle this situation as the families in the U.S. have someone ready to receive these migrants, and non-profit organizations have processes in place to safely welcome the few who do not. This is actually what Biden would do, as it says on his website: “The Trump Administration has sought to circumvent the Flores agreement and hold children in detention indefinitely. But proven alternatives to detention and non-profit case management programs, which support migrants as they navigate their legal obligations, are the best way to ensure that they attend all required immigration appointments.”

May the inhumane practice of the Trump administration cease and may there never be anyone in these “cages” ever again. May families be released together outside of these detention centers to continue their immigration cases. 

References:

https://www.cbsnews.com/news/family-separation-policy-trump-administration-documents-immigration

https://www.cbsnews.com/news/family-separations-zero-tolerance-policy-us-planned-to-separate-more-than-26000-migrant-families-2019-11-27

https://www.splcenter.org/news/2020/06/18/family-separation-policy-continues-two-years-after-trump-administration-claims-it-ended

https://immigrationimpact.com/2020/05/19/ice-binary-choice/#.X5sTJ0JKhE5

https://www.washingtonpost.com/immigration/kids-in-cages-debate-trump-obama/2020/10/23/8ff96f3c-1532-11eb-82af-864652063d61_story.html?fbclid=IwAR0IAPTCEPNyetIVPTppL68haXdzkhZcXMt8IiqEjCOwdMGigL7Ze9A1fNA

Ugliness Is Speaking

Division by Nick Youngson CC BY-SA 3.0 Alpha Stock Images

I believe in the possible unity of the entire world based on trust, honesty, and love for one another. It can begin with the self, then one’s family, then percolate upward into small groups of families, communities and cities, a conglomeration of cities and communities, subdivisions of countries, nations, regions of the world, and finally the world as a whole. This idea takes inspiration from the teachings of Ken Wilber in that the values of humanity can evolve from an egocentric view to a kosmocentric view  (here’s research compiled by Barrett C. Brown on this: https://integralwithoutborders.net/sites/default/files/resources/Overview%20of%20Developmental%20Levels.pdf).

The U.S. is a nation of states and regions that at times work together and at other times work at cross purposes, engaging even in violent conflict, as happened during the Civil War. We also cannot ignore the reality of the urban/rural and class divisions, which is explored in a post on Quora by Peter Kruger (“What don’t most liberals realize?”). Now, the unity of the states is threatened again, especially as the federal government mounts a weak response to the COVID-19 pandemic, sending divisive messages that engender hostility among regions, peoples, and states in our struggling nation.

What do we do? I believe in unity, but it is impossible in this state of affairs. How can people be unified when half of them are uncaring toward their neighbors, seeing them as enemies who must be defeated, as some have lost sight of humanity and are indifferent to the inhumane treatment of others? To have such a mindset is evil and to be in solidarity with, or tactility allow those views in others cannot foster true unity.

What are we to do? Nothing has shocked these people into changing their hearts to work for a better and more humane nation –  not the slaughter of innocent children at Sandy Hook; not the cruel family separations and squalid living conditions endured by migrants fleeing war and oppression; and not the corruption of the current president who, along with his political allies, is eroding democracy right in front of our eyes. It seems too many are fully concerned with "owning" the other side.

Do you know what this implies? It implies that killing innocent children is acceptable. That separating families seeking refuge is acceptable. That squeezing dozens, if not hundreds of people into tiny cells built to hold only a dozen people with one toilet, making their confines ripe for disease, is acceptable. And that a potential dictatorship in the United States of America is acceptable.

Is it hard to see that this is the condition of our so-called nation? I say “so-called” because we hardly act like a nation – our sense of unity is regressing to the state and regional levels as the true colors of the various parts of our country are exposed. This leads to disgust and, in some cases, outright rage for our neighbor. Even worse, it engenders indifference and an instinct to “play nice,” a naïve “let’s-all-get-along” mentality that fails to accept reality and how impossible our nation’s disunity has made it to get along.

Perhaps we need this regression so that the ugliness of this country is seen and felt, enabling us to encounter the reality that is America, without lies or rose-colored glasses, the hideousness laid bare in front of our faces. Will you then see that this is not beauty, that this is not love, that this is not the way? You will be faced with a choice: Accept it or reject it. Which will you choose?

We have an opportunity if we allow ourselves to see our ugliness, front and center. Some are numb to it, some embrace it, and some are appalled and insist this is not who we are. We have an opportunity to truthfully reject this ugliness and work towards a more morally evolved nation.

But how? One way I know: Start small with the people and environments in front of us, use the values of trust, honesty, and love in conversations, materials shared on social media, and the treatment we afford those around us and online. Avoid mean-spiritedness, to our friends, those outside our social circles and communities, and even toward our enemies. Show grace among a chaos of thorns in order to inspire a change of attitude and spirit while advocating for the good values of trust, honesty, and love through speech and action. This is one thing we have immediate control over, and it is a wonderful journey. Personally, as I aim to live life this way, even though I miss the mark at times, I constantly check myself, pick myself up, and amend my actions and speech if they do not reflect love and charity for others. But in order for any of this to begin, we must have an honest and brutal rendering of any darkness within us. Confront and release the darkness within so that we can shine a light on others. Keep the faith too, that we can change for the better - doubt must not have a home within us. Without faith, how can we inspire others around us to change for the better, let alone inspire the nation, or the world?

It is possible that we need to see the divisions in our country that were already there, thus causing even more hardened divisions, in order to truthfully acknowledge the ugly reality of our nation. If we acknowledge it, reject it in our mind and soul, and let it go, advocating for positive change, and translating that advocacy into action, then perhaps the United States of America might become better unified in the future. 

The projection of love is always grander and its reality is infinite. From a united nation, a united world can some day happen. Are we up to the task? Will we answer the call to love?


(Editorial assistance in this post by Alaric DeArment.)

Christianity & Two Gods

It is becoming clearer that Christians worship either one God or another: The God of Punishment or the God of Love.

Can there be punishment from a God of Love? Can there be love from a God of Punishment? Is it that the God of Love allows creation to experience consequences due to its actions that we humans interpret as “punishment” out of this God's highest respect for our free will? Or is it that the God of Punishment is so eager to hurt us if we partake in destructive actions, thereby causing us to live in terror, forgetting mercy and forgiveness, while also causing us to become greatly occupied with following all the rules to make ourselves "righteous" in this God's eyes but seeing only sin in others?

Who is God?

“But love your enemies, and do good, and lend, expecting nothing in return; and your reward will be great, and you will be sons of the Most High; for He Himself is kind to ungrateful and evil men.” Luke 6:35

"...and give me true faith..."

Sometimes in the spiritual life you are blessed with great joy, a lasting joy which seems unending, where it seems that you have been saved permanently from that lower level, that darkness, that blindness that you once lived in, that was once your world. Light shines in you and shines upon others. It is great, you believe you might have reached a great milestone (which you have) and nothing can bring you down! You become confident in it, reliant upon it, and maybe you might even feel entitled to it, becoming subtly arrogant about it and taking it for granted. Then...

Your situation changes and you are challenged: lower energy and spirit surround you, creep in and connect with the hidden darkness that is within you causing that joy to leave. You struggle to comprehend and hold on to that joy, but it is not like before. You are aware of what's going on, and look for any expression of joy in you, but it's gone, though you don't lose hope because you know it's possible within you and you know what an incredible experience it is. You wait, suffering through this darkness and at times you begrudgingly express this darkness as it hurts you and maybe others in the process. Your joy is not yet perfect. You have been confronted with your past repression, your past fear, your past judgments, and your past outlook on life that have not been expunged yet. It is disgusting.

But you are very aware of the reality of what is happening: God has uncovered this for you, the Source of Life has opened another layer in your being and has enlightened more of the darkness in your heart. Ways of being that were once acceptable in you are no longer good for you. You must deal with it. You confront this darkness, you accept this darkness in you, you call it by name, and say, "I see you, I accept you are a part of me, and I no longer want you. Be gone!" You let it go to God. And then realizing the Most High has not left you for a second, God picks you up by your hand and invites you further along the spiritual path, perhaps leading you to truer faith.

What is your belief?

It seems these days that there is a lack of faith or a lack of belief in nearly anything – let alone anything good. There is much cynicism and pessimism in our society that all we can really see are bad outcomes. It makes sense though, because we are lied to so much, deceived, and fed fake news leaving us confused while losing our center and our hope. It is even that when we do have hope in changing our circumstances or society, some of us resort to the same behavior that the oppressors carry out, creating a cycle of animosity, hate, and vengeance - taking punishment into our own hands.

Do you believe in peace? Do you believe in kindness? Do you believe in mercy? Do you believe in joy? Do you believe in love? Can you see it in your oppressor? Can you hope for goodness in the one who does evil to you? How about yourself? Can you see those qualities in you?

In the summer of 2013, months before I came back to my faith, I wrote down a prayer that I forgot I had written:

"i miss innocence, where there is absolute faith in the good of people and how to innately treat one another with gratitude, kindness, respect, and affection...

it hurts me to see that squashed; it has pained me to see it gone in me; it upsets me greatly that i have not been this

god, please forgive me for straying from what i believe in; i want to show the good i am and have in me, to everyone i come across"

At that time, I got to the point that I recognized that I saw no innocence around me, I doubted people’s motives, and was on the point of giving into complete cynicism. I did not want to live like that, it truly did pain me, and so my instinct was to pray by writing down the yearnings of my heart. (Any yearning of the heart is a prayer.) I didn’t even know I was praying and very quickly forgot that I had done such a thing.

The prayer was answered and I was soon reminded that there is goodness, that the virtues of charity, compassion, faith, gentleness, hope, humility, joy, kindness, light, love, mercy, modesty, patience, peace, purity, security, tranquility, trust, truth, understanding, and wisdom truly do exist in and of themselves and not only that, but that one can be graced with such virtues, such spirit, such goodness. These virtues are the driving factors in my spiritual life, they are my center, and they are the way of life. All these virtues, combined in their utmost perfection, equate love, true love, Divine Love – and if we take revelation seriously, that God is love, then all these components of love, these virtues are God. Anyone can invite these aspects of love into one’s whole being, into one’s soul, and be graced with the Highest Good.

If there is anything that we humans can agree on, regardless of what faith we live or lack of faith we proclaim, we all live with the same reality: there are ways to love and ways to hate. We can choose one or the other. We can become darkness, or we can become goodness (but more often than not, we are a combination of both at any given time). The way I know and understand Christianity is that this is our task: to become goodness, to become love, to become like God. Too often many people who profess Christianity get too tied up in what others are doing or not doing, they lose site of goodness and of God. This is true no matter what faith you are, if you look for the bad in others, you will see no goodness.

So if we bemoan the way the world is going, what insult and injustice this or that person says or does to another, why don’t you just try looking to goodness itself and invite it within you? It is a way to start spreading love in the world, to give birth to love, little by little. It is our responsibility. If you want peace, if you want love, invite peace and love and become peace and love. To some it sounds too easy, cheesy, and unbelievable, but this unbelief is exactly the problem and what prevents goodness from spreading. Belief is what makes your reality real. Believe! Believe in goodness, think goodness, see goodness anywhere you can, and importantly ask for goodness. Whatever faith you are, let’s do this so we may become love for the advancement of our world.

Returning home, and then?

“Look at the birds in the sky; they do not sow or reap, they gather nothing into barns, yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are not you more important than they? Can any of you by worrying add a single moment to your life-span?” (Matthew 6:26-27)


Three years ago on the Sunday before Lent, I returned to Church, the Roman Catholic Church. Suffice it to say, and as cliché as it sounds, this decision and action changed the direction of my life. I always knew I would return to Church at some point, as I carried my faith and devotion to Christ deep in my heart, even when there was a whole mess of things covering it up – a lamp under a bushel basket for sure (and how it pains me now to think of covering up my faith!).  It was providential to return at that time. God rang loudly.


The Gospel reading for that day was from the Sunday Cycle Year A rotation (as it is every three years and was this past Sunday), and it spoke quite directly to me: “Look at the birds in the sky…” Birds too are provided for. God, the creator, the essence of life, the center of the cosmos from which all things emanate or reject, provides all that the birds, all the creatures of the world, and of course we humans need to live and survive, and without worry. Not too long ago before then, before I returned to Church and when I was not praying, I was full of dread, anxiety, and worry. I had lost jobs and worried that I would go back to my hometown of Odessa, Texas in shame, losing all I had worked hard for, but deep, deep down I knew all would work out. And it did. Now God was confirming to me His providence, saying, “see, you need not worry.”



It is ironic that I am currently in Odessa, Texas now, but of my own volition, or rather consent. The decision to begin practicing my faith again led me to discern life as an OFM (Order of Friars Minor) Franciscan friar. I was recently a postulant (first year candidate of religious formation) for five months, from August 24, 2016 to January 22, 2017, living with the friars of Holy Name Province at Holy Name College in Silver Spring, Maryland as well as with my fellow postulants. I came to realize that I was not ready to continue in formation, that I was not ready for the novitiate (the second year of formation), and that there were unresolved issues in secular life that I felt (and feel) I needed to address. So my decision to leave has led me to stay with my family in Texas for a few months, partly because the bedroom that I slept in for 10 years in New York is occupied through July, but also because of other reasons that I’ll most likely explore in later posts.



“Then Jesus said to his disciples, ‘Whoever wishes to come after me must deny himself, take up his cross, and follow me.’” (Matthew 16:24)


Oh, but this command that resonated with me so deeply when I became inspired with St. Francis of Assisi still echoes loudly in my mind and heart. He left everything and followed the Lord, and I wanted to as well! And still want to. I left New York, but does my path also mean that I’ll return? Does that mean staying in Texas? Or does that mean going elsewhere? Does that mean encountering and sharing my life with certain people in the given moment? Or does that mean I'll be led back into religious formation as a friar or monk? Or does it plainly mean to continue allowing the Lord transform me into His image, as we are all called to do? Those are the questions of discernment in life - continuing discernment - and in a way I still feel as if I am in postulancy.


At this moment, I do at least feel called to share my experiences, thoughts, opinions, and reflections about spirituality, music, and society. I welcome you to read along if you feel so inclined, and comment or respond as long as it is done in charity, without malice, without personal attack, and with respect. There will be plenty of things I will write that people may disagree with, or agree with, but let this be a place of civil dialogue done in charity. This is what I will do for the time being, or who knows, for the rest of my time on Earth.


My time is in your hands, Lord; I trust in You.


Peace and all good.