"...and give me true faith..."

Sometimes in the spiritual life you are blessed with great joy, a lasting joy which seems unending, where it seems that you have been saved permanently from that lower level, that darkness, that blindness that you once lived in, that was once your world. Light shines in you and shines upon others. It is great, you believe you might have reached a great milestone (which you have) and nothing can bring you down! You become confident in it, reliant upon it, and maybe you might even feel entitled to it, becoming subtly arrogant about it and taking it for granted. Then...

Your situation changes and you are challenged: lower energy and spirit surround you, creep in and connect with the hidden darkness that is within you causing that joy to leave. You struggle to comprehend and hold on to that joy, but it is not like before. You are aware of what's going on, and look for any expression of joy in you, but it's gone, though you don't lose hope because you know it's possible within you and you know what an incredible experience it is. You wait, suffering through this darkness and at times you begrudgingly express this darkness as it hurts you and maybe others in the process. Your joy is not yet perfect. You have been confronted with your past repression, your past fear, your past judgments, and your past outlook on life that have not been expunged yet. It is disgusting.

But you are very aware of the reality of what is happening: God has uncovered this for you, the Source of Life has opened another layer in your being and has enlightened more of the darkness in your heart. Ways of being that were once acceptable in you are no longer good for you. You must deal with it. You confront this darkness, you accept this darkness in you, you call it by name, and say, "I see you, I accept you are a part of me, and I no longer want you. Be gone!" You let it go to God. And then realizing the Most High has not left you for a second, God picks you up by your hand and invites you further along the spiritual path, perhaps leading you to truer faith.